Last Saturday, me and my girlfriend found ourselves enjoying the weekend at the SM Mall of Asia. Everything was fine. Until lunch time.
We went to Burger King at the lower level of the mall to eat lunch at around 2PM. Even after the peak of lunch time was over, there were still lots of guys and gals eating, chatting and surfing. All seats were occupied. So being the carefree couple we were, we were like "Yeah, after we order there's gonna be lots of seats available." Unfortunately, it didn't happen that way.
You see, after we received our meals, and as I was holding the tray, I looked around. To my dismay, the same folks who were sitting at the tables right after we got in the food chain were still there. It's like nothing happened, it's like nobody got up and left. And guess what, most of them were using - yes you guessed it right - laptops.
So, I walked around the chain slowly, making these inconsiderate laptop-using pricks around the area see me as I held the tray with a single hand (I didn't mind the people who were chatting with friends even after they were done eating. You'll see my point at the end of this post). I was like, maybe they'll realize that they've been sitting their asses out far too long and that we needed to have a seat to eat. But after all that slow-walking around, still no dice.
Anyway, we found a table - and the farthest table outside the chain too - where it was windy and dusty and where lots of people pass by. I don't like people staring at me and my girlfriend while we're eating. Do you? I don't like the people passing by sneezing while we're eating. Do you? And most of all, I don't like my hair getting messed up and blown by the wind. Hey, I'm a hair guy. What can I do? I mean, name me a guy who likes his hair getting messed up by the wind or by other people. You fix your hair for it to remain fixed and nice. You don't fix your hair so it would get messed up. If there's such a guy, I'd slap the bajeesus out of him myself.
So anyway, we decided to eat right there and then. We didn't have any better spot to eat at so what the hell. At least we got a table. Better something than nothing right?
So, as we ate, the wind kept blasting all our napkins, our burger wrappers, our mats, our french fry containers, my hair, our everything. I was cussing by myself because I was so irritated with them laptop freaks inside the chain. I was so irritated in fact that I eyed a couple of the laptop-using guys/gals who were at the other side of the chain (the outside and the inside were separated by window panes. I made sure they saw me eyeing them). I mean, all their burger wrappers were crumpled, all their soda cups were empty, and they have the nerve to stay for hours just to surf the net. Long story short, the same people who were using their laptops at the food chain were still there, surfing away, even after we were done eating, even after we stood up our seats and left. Me and my girlfriend lost what could've possibly been a nice memory.
And so the point of this post is, if you bring laptops to a mall with the sole intention of taking advantage of the free Wi-Fi it's offering:
1. You must be a very lonely person
Imagine, just to enjoy yourself at the mall, you bring your laptop along as your date. You'll sit your ass in a prime seat and order a single cup of Joe or a cup of ice cream and surf away in your laptop 'till Kingdom come. And even after you consume all your food and lots of other customers holding food trays looking for seats pass you by, you're like "I don't care mother******. My laptop and I are enjoying the free Wi-Fi." Poor you. Have you ever heard of manners and consideration? Guess not. You have friends? Guess not too.
2. You must be a very Internet-deprived person
In times like today, it's very hard to find a home without an internet connection. Well, you can - in the homes of our financially-unfortunate brothers and sisters. But hey, obviously you're not one of those unfortunate people. Well, you look good, you smell good, your hair's all prepped up, you got a PHP 20k laptop, aaaaaaand you don't have internet connection in your home? What? Are you kidding me? If that's the case, go somewhere when you can't disturb or irritate people that are looking for tables to eat at. We don't like you occupying that prime seat for hundreds of years because of your laptop.
If that's not the case, maybe you don't get to enjoy your internet at home. Maybe your parents are too strict with what you do on the internet. Ever heard of a PC rental cafe? Go there. You have the money. Don't irritate us. Our meals will get cold. We don't like you.
3. You must be a trying-hard jerk
There are people who own a genuinely expensive laptop. There are people who own a fairly-priced laptop. And then there are those people who make it look like their PHP 10k laptop is a PHP 50k laptop. These kinds of people, the poseurs, they irk me the most.
These are the kinds of laptop pricks who bring their cheap run-off-the-mill notebooks at coffee chains for the sake of bringing it and let other people notice it. These are the people that gratify themselves with other people's curiosity. They think like "Hey, that dude's looking at my laptop. I guess he's so poor he can't afford one. Lucky me, hehe." Well guess what: We're people who have notebooks and desktops with broadband internet connection in our homes and we don't bring them out on malls or food chains because we're here to enjoy ourselves and spend time with the people we love. Unlike you, we're people with social lives. We don't stick our faces in our PCs or notebooks to the point that you need to check your Facebook status every minute even when you're dining out. Honestly, it sucks to be you. And hey, wake up. You're done eating. Get outta here.
4. Your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't love you
Kind of similar to #1. Let's take the couple we saw at Burger King as an example. The girl, even after she and her boyfriend finished eating, kept on pressing the keys on her bulky laptop. The guy was obviously bored and furious at her girl for being a laptop prick that he decided, with a mad face, to leave her girlfriend behind. He walked away and exited the chain, as simple as that. The girl? She didn't mind. She kept pressing the keys on her machine.
For these kinds of laptop pricks, I suggest you get a life. If you have do a life, live it properly. Me, I won't exchange my time with girlfriend with a computer unless it's important (i.e. I'll lose a hundred bucks if I don't deal with the matters at hand online immediately). Frankly, if you'd rather spend your time with your laptop than your boyfriend or girlfriend, go back to your basement and don't leave until like the end of the world. That way your boyfriend/girlfriend could look for somebody else to love.
5. You must be that kid cramming to meet project deadlines at school
Or maybe you're gathering resources for a really really difficult exam. Well, I understand. Certain people need to be in certain places and/or at certain moments to study effectively. But please, as much as possible avoid staying at food chains with high traffic (i.e. food chains with lots of people in it) because it's irritating. If you like studying at Bo's or at Starbucks, go ahead. No one's stopping you. Just make sure you're at Starbucks Tondo or Starbucks Mt. Apo or Starbucks Batanes. That way you're the only customer around, you'll disturb no one, no one will disturb you, and you can study effectively.
6. Your internet speed at home must suck so bad you download your games or music at food chains
Really? I mean, I've tried surfing using my PSP at establishments that offer free WiFi. It's not so great. With lots of people sharing the same connection, its a no brainer that the establishment's WiFi speed will decrease. One could be watching videos at YouTube, the other could be downloading files, the other one could be doing Facebook. I mean, add all those users up and you'll end up with speeds of something a little better than dial-up. If that's the case, why don't you do it at home then. You'll save the time and the effort of going to the establishment.
And then there's those establishments with really really reaaaaally fast WiFi even if there's lots of people sharing the same connection. Well, I hope your download will finish soon because if it ain't, you're gonna meet the sole of my shoe. Like I said, my meal's getting cold. Go outta here and buy yourself a proper ISP. That way you'll avoid being friends with the sole of my shoe.
7. You must be new to the magic we call WiFi
Honestly, everybody, at a point in their life, started out as noobs in WiFi. Before this WiFi thing reached Philippine shores, everybody only knew PLDT. Me, I was in the dark with this WiFi thing when it was still new (I read about it beforehand in online articles but I never knew how it really went because it was unavailable in the Philippines back in the day. You'll never really know something if you've just read about it. Application is always better than theories or reads).
So if you're a brother or a sister who's relatively new to the magic of WiFi, you're forgiven. I know you're amazed that your laptop can leech internet signals without cables and whatnot. I sure was. But please, as soon as you get well-acquainted with WiFi, don't overdo it or else you'll belong to one or more of the six categories above.
As I've said at the upper section of this post, I don't mind the people who're chatting away even after they're done eating. At least they're enjoying themselves with real people, with people that are special to them. I'd do the same thing if I was with a special someone or with my family. But if you're a laptop-using prick, we don't need you. I don't like you. I'm sure as hell other people don't like you too. Anyway, it ain't too late. You still have time to change. Leave your lappy at home if you don't have anything better to do with it aside from downloading stuff or Facebook-ing at a mall or at an establishment.
If you beg to disagree, I don't care.
'Till my next installment.
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